Arrogant Presumption

The Onion hits the spot yet again:

I Assume My Reputation For Arrogant Presumption Precedes Me

Okay, everyone, I’d like to begin. We’re running rather late because I just showed up. Although I’m aware that you’ve all been standing around waiting for me for at least an hour, now that I’m here, it’s me being inconvenienced. So, if you’ll all please take your seats immediately - pronto, people!

Finally, we can get started.

I assume my reputation for arrogant presumption precedes me, so I’ll be anything but brief. Surely, you’re all familiar with much of what I’m about to say, but I’ll say it anyway, because, as I’m sure you’re all aware, I’m in love with the sound of my own voice.

We’ll be working together - and by “working together,” I mean that you’ll be working for me - for the next six to eight weeks. Now, I know how much you’ve been looking forward to meeting me, so it’s only fitting that I make a few remarks that will allow you to get to know me better than you could while breathlessly observing my career from afar.

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Wonderful stuff…