Rich Kyanka vs The Ultimate Warrior

Rich Kyanka runs Something Awful, so he’s no stranger to threats of lawsuits from people who don’t appreciate being the butt of his users’ humour. But then he attracted the attention of former WWF wrestler The Ultimate Warrior (or rather, of one Chris Lewis, Mr Warrior’s Director of Communications):

FROM: Chris Lewis cl9904@msn.com
TO: webmaster@somethingawful.com
CC: mrwarrior@earthlink.net

As Director of Communications for Ultimate Creations, Inc. – which owns all rights associated with the wrestling character Ultimate Warrior – part of my job is to address any violations of Ultimate Creations’ intellectual property rights associated with the character. Consider this email as your fair notice that we consider your site to be in violation of those rights.

A current posting on your site refers to the Ultimate Warrior as a “racist” – a statement that is not true, and is clearly libelous.

Furthermore, Ultimate Creations, Inc. has never authorized you or anyone affiliated with your website to use the image or likeness of Ultimate Warrior.

If the offending portion of your post is not removed by 9 AM on Monday, April 11, 2005, we will be forced to take appropriate legal action to address the libel and unauthorized use of the Ultimate Warrior likeness. We also expect an apology for your outrageous accusations against Warrior.

Sincerely,
Chris Lewis
Director of Communications
Ultimate Creations, Inc.

Well how do ya likes that! It would appear that voicing your opinion on the Internet is now highly illegal, especially if it is negative and involves rambling neo-conservatives who used to tie bicycle streamers around their arms. That’s strange, I always thought the conservatives were the guys who loved free speech and the Founding Fathers and the 10 Commandments and all that other crap which grants me the liberty to call people “fags” on the Internet without having to worry about the government breaking down my door and lobbing wheelbarrows full of tear gas into my extensive DDR dance pad stockpile. I obviously have no idea how the Internet, and most of America for that matter, operates! And yes, the Ultimate Warrior really has an Earthlink email address… an ULTIMATE Earthlink address.

From here on in, the story gets funnier and funnier.

[Via Bifurcated Rivets]