Bad Trek

As seen at Making Light’s Star Trek comment thread: Star Trek: The Bad Transcript

EXT. IOWA, EIGHT YEARS LATER

GREG GRUNBERG

YOUNG CHRIS PINE, why do you have to be so REBELLIOUS?

NOKIA PRODUCT PLACEMENT

I’m obnoxious!

JIMMY BENNETT

Because I’m a REBEL, man. Speaking of fucking the system, I’m going to drive your car into a canyon.

GREG GUNBERG

A canyon in the middle of Iowa? Has J.J. ABRAMS ever actually been there?

DIRECTOR J.J. ABRAMS

Iowa’s near Arizona, right?

JIMMY BENNETT

I hope the audience is enjoying watching me dangle from a cliff by my fingertips, because they’re going to be seeing a lot of it.

That isn’t the funniest part of the script by a long chalk; it’s just that most of the rest involves spoilers of one sort or another. If you’ve seen the film, you should definitely read the whole thing.

From elsewhere in the same comment thread, a rather wonderful comment from Lee:

[...] The re-imagining that grated on me a bit was Chekov, who wasn’t even ON the Enterprise until Season 2 of TOS. I just keep repeating to myself, “It’s an alternate universe. It’s an alternate universe, dammit!”

And while we’re on the subject of retconning and AUs, I’ll toss in this gem from a review of the movie by ironychan on LJ:

Today I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if a million Trekkies cried out as one, lamenting, “they erased everything and started over from the beginning! All the stories I loved never happened!”

This was followed by a second disturbance, as if a million fans of Marvel and DC comics rolled their eyes as one, replying, “CRY MOAR, N00B.”

*sigh* Too true!