Sexiest Man Alive

November 26th, 2015

Mallory Ortberg reveals the fate of David Beckham, Sexiest Man Alive.

Hugh. George. Matthew. Johnny. Ryan. Bradley. Channing. Pierce. Ben. Brad. He kept these names always at the forefront of his mind, naming each one at the pace of his breath and his feet. For as long as he could remember, he had been running.

We Are Not Worthy.

[Also features a glorious sideswipe at Tom Hiddleston.]

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Celebrities that Look Like Matresses

April 8th, 2014

Celebrities that Look Like Matresses.

Some of these are just mean…

Alan Cumming

Hilarious, still, but mean.


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Number 20

September 4th, 2013

25 Celebrities When They Were Young.

Some of these you've probably seen before. Most of them (IMHO) would be perfectly recognisable even if the pictures weren't labelled. I'd say that Charlize Theron, Sean Connery, Clint Eastwood, Helen Mirren, Steve Jobs, Michael Stipe and Steven Tyler's lips fall into that category.

A few are US-only celebrities like Ryan Seacrest and Martha Stewart; I've heard of them and am vaguely aware of what they do,1 but I've never seen them on-screen and couldn't pick out of a line-up at any age.

Some, like Bruce Willis and Steve Carell, have pretty much the same face, albeit a lot younger, but very different hair styles. (Or at least a different facial hair style in Carell's case).

All pretty routine, you might think, and I probably wouldn't have posted this link. But then there's the one that Blew My Mind.

Number 20:

Guess who. Go on, guess...

Unless you're already familiar with the picture, I defy you to guess who that is.2

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  1. Respectively, hosting/producing reality TV shows and being a domestic goddess with a brief detour into a jail cell, correct?
  2. No cheating by checking the MeFi link below – the URL gives the game away.

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Showcasing his post-prison body

February 11th, 2012

Sometimes I think Marina Hyde is wasted on the Guardian's Lost in Showbiz column. Then she writes a piece like Abu Qatada's weight and the showbizification of terror and I realise she's exactly where she needs to be, doing $DEITY's work:

[The Daily Mail…] is distressed the corporation should regard "extremist" as a value judgment best avoided in news reports, where "radical" would do. But more than that, it seems, they are incensed at the Beeb's guidance on Qatada's present dimensions, despite the fact it was clearly only given to ensure current rather than out-of-date stock pictures are used. "BBC staff have also been advised against using images of the preacher looking fat," the paper shrieks to its readers. "He is apparently now much slimmer than he used to be."

"Apparently"? Now come, come, Daily Mail. This disingenuity does not become you. I put it to you that you knew very well indeed that Qatada had slimmed down – just as you are aware of even minuscule cellular changes in the adipose layers of everyone from Cheryl Cole to third-tier government ministers to babies such as Harper Beckham, who are only one whitewashed inquiry into press standards away from being described as "pouring their curves" into romper-suits and the like.

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Old Love

January 24th, 2012

Paging through Old Love is positively hypnotic, and even more so once you give in to the temptation to start clicking on tags to follow particular names across the years.1

[Via This Recording (Recommends… sidebar)]

  1. Warning: doing this can make you feel very, very old. Or perhaps that's just me…

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The C-Word

November 11th, 2011

Andrew Collins, having been invited to appear on Celebrity Mastermind this Xmas, ponders the downside of being the sort of 'celebrity' whose face rarely ends up on our TV screens:

The car firm that is being sent to pick me up from Piccadilly Station on Tuesday is called Star In A Car. What if they operate on the basis that if you are a star, the driver will recognise you and pick you up? If mine doesn't – and unless he records and keeps every edition of What The Dickens? on SkyArts, or he watches 6 Music on the webcam when one of the regular daytime presenters is ill, he seriously might not – I may have to pay for my own cab to the studio.

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Historical Meet-Ups

July 11th, 2011

Historical Meet-Ups is like Awesome People Hanging Out Together, but with the stories behind the meetings added.

Take, for example, Ingmar Bergman's encounter with Charles Bronson:

The meeting between Bergman and Bronson was facilitated by the Swedish auteur's unlikely connection to the coriaceous action star. The two men shared the same agent and publicist. They met once, during Bergman's first visit to Los Angeles in the late 1970s. Bronson was filming one of his trademark shoot 'em ups at the time. Bergman visited him at the studio at their agent's behest. After they exchanged pleasantries, Bergman became entranced by the squibs that were placed on Bronson's body to simulate blood-spattering gunshot wounds. "Fascinating," Bergman marveled. "I never knew how they did that!" "You mean you don't use machine guns in your movies?" Bronson replied.

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Baldwin tweets!

June 11th, 2011

Molly Lambert's debut piece at Grantland introduces us to Alec Baldwin: Social networking master

Some people are just naturals at holding court. Alec Baldwin definitely qualifies there, which is why he was always such a great Saturday Night Live host and why his monologue in Glengarry Glen Ross remains the gold standard for holding public attention. The thing about people who are good at holding court is that once they start holding court it can be impossible to make them stop. And not always, but sometimes they say something that makes their audience facepalm.

Here are a few of the things Alec Baldwin enjoys: party games, Pilates, what Alec Baldwin is eating, cryptic jokes with the Baldwin siblings in a private brother language, the Rolling Stones, getting stranded on boats, tweeting like he's somewhere deep in thought and is providing you a small opening through which to see into his brain – Being John Malkovich-style, politics, asking rhetorical questions, faux-slang, and Fort Lauderdale.

Given the number of terrific pieces Molly Lambert contributed at This Recording, I'm looking forward to seeing what she brings us at Grantland.

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Rick Wakeman, raconteur

March 13th, 2011

A little bit of nostalgia: Rick Wakeman's memorable appearance on Danny Baker's short-lived BBC1 chat show Danny Baker After All, in two parts.

[Via DogFacedBoy, posting at Word Magazine Blog]

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December 31st, 2010

David Hepworth has posted my favourite comment on Elton John and David Furnish having adopted a baby.

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